Ho ho ho Mercs! It is me, the legit Australian Santa Claus (and not just the blog post writer in a thrift shop Santa suit)!
While I was overseeing the present manufacturing factory (or in this case, watching color television) the funny looking man on the weather forecast said "Due to a severe snowstorm, certain battlegrounds may be closed due to heavy snow cast over the Teufort area. Prepare a warm, but not explosive fire, and settle in for the long haul as this storm passes."
Now I don’t know about you funny-looking weatherman, but I’ve got presents to deliver, and having little Mercenaries trapped inside without any fun and violence on Christmas Day just doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun to me. Coincidently, the Creators.TF Team in their headquarters were desperate to have a Smissmas update to finish off the year. So with my Christmas magic (not just the blog writer waving a pencil around like a wand), and the talent of the community, the Creators.TF team and I have gotten together to create the Snowed-In Smissmas update!
So, what are we putting into your stockings this year? Well, Dr. Watson, it’s quite simple really. The short, stubby, and leftover mercenaries that I call "elves" have managed to produce 14 new cosmetics, each created to the highest of our standards! Make sure you wrap yourself up tightly so you don’t freeze to death (it’s very expensive for Santa Claus to move dead bodies around the place), and stay close to your furry companions that sit on your belts because they're your only friends in this cold and harsh world.
Now, if we want to leave the boredom of our bases, and get that rush of violence we all love, we’re gonna need some maps for you to play on. So we’ve rented out six maps for you to play on (once we’re able to shovel away all of the snow that’s trapping us all inside). We even have returning maps from our original Smissmas update, oh how time flies!
*ahem* For those mercenaries who are especially gifted (get it?), we have a special item for those people who get all of the awards and trophies at their school prizegiving, and you can barely take them off stage yourself. Introducing the Gifting Lantern! The Smissmas Gargoyle! Now gather around kids, it’s lore time!
Long long ago… back in the time of 2010… Old Nick descended on the town of Teufort while some of the mercs were completing court-ordered community service. He was later killed by a small kid by the first known use of the Spy-cicle. Later that night when the janitor was having his 2.5-minute bathroom break, the spirit of Old Nick was sucked out of his frozen body, and it was infused into the janitor's lantern. Nobody knew about the true power of the lantern until the janitor was found dead in the mall the next morning, right next to the Christmas displays. It’s been hiding in storage since that day, and nobody knows if-
Sorry, sorry! I’m just rubbing out the last piece of that lore as we WILL be needing the lantern this time around.
Presents will drop out of the corpses of your enemies, and your job is to collect them all back for us! If we all manage to work together to reclaim our presents, we can save the spirit of this Snowed-in Smissmas.
Now, it’s time to find the elf who caused this to happen in the first place...
What’s a little violence without music as well? For decades, music has influenced the way that mercenaries fight in the gravel pits. If we need to get back all of these presents, then some sick and fresh beats are required to get you into the fighting spirit! Introducing: Music Kits! These are special items that when equipped, will play new and unique music depending on the action each round. Want some thrill by capturing the control point? Well, we have two new tracks for you to jam out to!
- Into The Centre Of The Earth, our first Music Kit made by our partners over at TFConnect (be a jolly mercenary and donate to their campaign here! Donations are open till January 1st!). This kit will give you the feeling of beating in your enemies with a metal bat, just like any baseball league player would!
- Gravel Slaughter is our second Music Kit made by our in-house musician MrModez Pineapple. Whenever you get bored of capturing the same point 15 times each game, turn on this kit and your gameplay will instantly improve (this product is not scientifically tested, results may vary. If you experience any symptoms of headache, earworm, or unconsciousness, please see your nearest Medic)!
So, how's that for Christmas this year? Cosmetics, maps, a lantern, and some music for your ears! After this Christmas, I might go travel to New Zealand for a good summer vacation. Hopefully, Mann Co doesn't explode or anything while I'm gone!
See you next year!
- Australian Santa Claus and the Creators.TF Team.